When I was in school to become a master of systems of information, one of my courses focused heavily on the concept of Human-computer interaction, or HCI. Wikipedia defines this term thus: "Human–computer interaction (HCI) involves the study, planning, design and uses of the interaction between people (users) and computers. It is often regarded as the intersection of computer science, behavioral sciences, design and several other fields of study. ... The term connotes that, unlike other tools with only limited uses (such as a hammer, useful for driving nails, but not much else), a computer has many affordances for use and this takes place in an open-ended dialog between the user and the computer."
I was reflecting on this tonight as I considered my day. How much time did I spend interacting with a computer vs. with my family? Did those interactions appropriately reflect the computer/phone's status as a tool? What was the purpose of the dialog between me and the device? What was the result?
I remember hearing Sister Julie Beck refer once (can't find it online, but I remember hearing her) to a computer as a tool, much as a dishwasher is a tool. How much time do I spend with my dishwasher? As little as possible, right? I'm interacting with it only for the purpose of benefiting myself and my family with regard to its specific use. Do I view the computer the same way? Lately I have used it more as an escape than as a tool, and I need to reevaluate.
Sister Belle S. Spafford, the ninth Relief Society general president, said: “The average woman today, I believe, would do well to appraise her interests, evaluate the activities in which she is engaged, and then take steps to simplify her life, putting things of first importance first, placing emphasis where the rewards will be greatest and most enduring, and ridding herself of the less rewarding activities" (Belle S. Spafford, A Woman’s Reach (1974), 23.).
Julie wrote an excellent post about this prioritization already, and I suppose it has been on my mind as well as I consider which things come first in my life, and how my devices fit into that paradigm. I am going to take steps this next week to remember that human-Deity interaction always trumps any other interaction, and comes first, and human-human interaction is better than HCI any day.
Your thoughts?
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Monday, April 21, 2014
What Is Essential?
About a month ago, I took my kids to Temple Square where my mom is a missionary. She gave us a tour of the Relief Society building, located north east of the reflecting pool. I loved seeing the beautiful artifacts that early Saints donated to the building of a Relief Society building when they were not allowed to send money, and it was special to find the names of my grandmothers and great-grandmothers in a list of sisters who did donate money. In the bottom level of the building, they have displays and information about Primary, the Young Women program, and Relief Society.
One display about our priorities made a particular impact on me. As you read through it, you might ask yourself if you are accomplishing the Essentials before focusing on the Nice to Dos each day. I loved how in her General Conference talk, Sister Reeves' [thanks for your previous insights Michelle] addressed how spending time in prayer and scripture study each day, and having Family Home Evening each week are really the only things that must get done in our families, and how those things cause us to feel less stress in our lives.
Prioritizing Our Lives
"A good woman knows that she does not have enough time, energy, or opportunity to take care of all the people or do all of the worthy things her heart yearns to do. Life is not calm for most women, and each day seems to require the accomplishment of a million things, most of which are important. A good woman must constantly resist alluring and deceptive messages from many sources telling her that she is entitled to more time away from her responsibilities and that she deserves a life of greater ease and independence. But with personal revelation, she can prioritize correctly and navigate this life confidently." (Source not listed.)
Essentials
The things that must be taken care of and if I don't take care of them, the blessings of eternal life won't be mine, nor will they be the blessings of my family.
Revelation
Pray always
Daily scripture study
Time to ponder and fast
Making and keeping covenants (Sacrament Meeting, temple)
Love one another
Necessary
Things we have to do as part of mortal life in order to be self-reliant and be of service to our families and the Lord.
Marriage and family relationships
Homemaking (cooking, cleaning, working)
Self-reliance and provident living
Compassionate service
Temple and family history
Sharing the gospel
Church service
Nice to Dos
These add variety to our lives, but they won't save us.
Crafts
Hobbies
Recreational reading
Lunches with friends
Movies
Travel
Blogging and recreational computer time
What is on your list?
One display about our priorities made a particular impact on me. As you read through it, you might ask yourself if you are accomplishing the Essentials before focusing on the Nice to Dos each day. I loved how in her General Conference talk, Sister Reeves' [thanks for your previous insights Michelle] addressed how spending time in prayer and scripture study each day, and having Family Home Evening each week are really the only things that must get done in our families, and how those things cause us to feel less stress in our lives.
Prioritizing Our Lives
"A good woman knows that she does not have enough time, energy, or opportunity to take care of all the people or do all of the worthy things her heart yearns to do. Life is not calm for most women, and each day seems to require the accomplishment of a million things, most of which are important. A good woman must constantly resist alluring and deceptive messages from many sources telling her that she is entitled to more time away from her responsibilities and that she deserves a life of greater ease and independence. But with personal revelation, she can prioritize correctly and navigate this life confidently." (Source not listed.)
Essentials
The things that must be taken care of and if I don't take care of them, the blessings of eternal life won't be mine, nor will they be the blessings of my family.
Revelation
Pray always
Daily scripture study
Time to ponder and fast
Making and keeping covenants (Sacrament Meeting, temple)
Love one another
Necessary
Things we have to do as part of mortal life in order to be self-reliant and be of service to our families and the Lord.
Marriage and family relationships
Homemaking (cooking, cleaning, working)
Self-reliance and provident living
Compassionate service
Temple and family history
Sharing the gospel
Church service
Nice to Dos
These add variety to our lives, but they won't save us.
Crafts
Hobbies
Recreational reading
Lunches with friends
Movies
Travel
Blogging and recreational computer time
What is on your list?
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Q&A
What are some fun and easy holiday traditions
(New Years, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, Mother's/Father's Day, 4th of July,
Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas)?
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Some thoughts from Conference
One of the talks I really loved this last session was Sister Reeves' talk on protecting from pornography. Here is a link if you want to go read through it. talk It may seem like a really odd talk to love, but I have spent a lot of time thinking about the effects on our kids of this evil. I dread the day when Isaac will come and tell me he saw something yucky on the computer or on the TV.
And yet I think we also forget those who have already been roped into the addictive power of pornography. It truly is an addiction, a chemical process in the brain that is exactly like alcohol and drugs. I have known a few people who have been affected by such an addiction, and I have watched it tear apart their lives. It is not a singularly personal struggle that affects only those addicted. It is a disease that affects all who know the individual, whether they realize it or not.
When we truly understand the addictive power of pornography, we begin to have a desire to help those who are caught in the trap. There are so many men and women (not as many, but still some) who want to be free of their addiction, and yet it is just as difficult as any other addiction. There are chemical processes in the brain that produce a physical appetite for those things.
So what can we individually do to help combat the evils of pornography, and also to help those who are struggling to overcome an addiction. Obviously we start in our own home and begin by teaching our kids to not get started in the first place. Sister Reeves' talk goes into detail about more ideas. The one that I wanted to focus on is specifically what we can do to help those who are struggling. It may seem like there isn't really much we can do unless we personally know someone who it struggling. And admittedly there isn't a long list of things we can do. But I have been thinking about this a lot and I think the most important thing for us, is modesty. Now there are a million reasons why modesty is important, and this reason is probably lower on the list of importance than most of them. However, that doesn't mean this isn't important.
Let's take for example a recovering alcoholic. They have worked hard to get where they are, and they may have been clean for even a few years. Yet you don't take that alcoholic into a bar to hang out. The temptation may cause them cave and have one drink, which will be a downward spiral for them. Phillip Seymore is a perfect example. He had been sober for a number of years, and yet he died of a drug overdose. For those who suffer from addictions, even the slightest temptation can be deadly.
It is the exact same for a pornography addict, only they have the misfortune of not being able to avoid their temptations. They can't control what they see on billboards, or what others wear. Now I am not saying they don't have any responsibility, because obviously they do. They have to learn to control their thoughts and where their eyes wander. But why should we as women (and men) make it harder for them. Now this probably mostly applies to members of the church who hold these standards, but I personally think that we will be held accountable to some degree for the impact that we have on others. When we knowingly dress in a certain way, to get a certain reaction, we potentially endanger some man's road to recovery. Again, I am not saying that we are not all responsible for our thoughts and our actions, because we are. And I am definitely not saying that pornography addiction is okay in any way! I guess my biggest thought is this, if you knew someone who was struggling with this, you would want to do anything to help them. So when we get dressed in the morning, are we covered? Do we represent the Daughters of God that we truly are?
I'm not really sure why I felt so strongly about this, I doubt any of us really have a problem with being modest. But we will have be teaching someone, be it the youth, our friends, or our kids. Pornography is everywhere, and it affects more people than we realize.
And I hope no one gets offended by this post, I do not mean to offend. I know it can be a sensitive subject. I know a few women who would rip me apart for this post. But I feel strongly about the importance of the subject. What do you guys think?
And yet I think we also forget those who have already been roped into the addictive power of pornography. It truly is an addiction, a chemical process in the brain that is exactly like alcohol and drugs. I have known a few people who have been affected by such an addiction, and I have watched it tear apart their lives. It is not a singularly personal struggle that affects only those addicted. It is a disease that affects all who know the individual, whether they realize it or not.
When we truly understand the addictive power of pornography, we begin to have a desire to help those who are caught in the trap. There are so many men and women (not as many, but still some) who want to be free of their addiction, and yet it is just as difficult as any other addiction. There are chemical processes in the brain that produce a physical appetite for those things.
So what can we individually do to help combat the evils of pornography, and also to help those who are struggling to overcome an addiction. Obviously we start in our own home and begin by teaching our kids to not get started in the first place. Sister Reeves' talk goes into detail about more ideas. The one that I wanted to focus on is specifically what we can do to help those who are struggling. It may seem like there isn't really much we can do unless we personally know someone who it struggling. And admittedly there isn't a long list of things we can do. But I have been thinking about this a lot and I think the most important thing for us, is modesty. Now there are a million reasons why modesty is important, and this reason is probably lower on the list of importance than most of them. However, that doesn't mean this isn't important.
Let's take for example a recovering alcoholic. They have worked hard to get where they are, and they may have been clean for even a few years. Yet you don't take that alcoholic into a bar to hang out. The temptation may cause them cave and have one drink, which will be a downward spiral for them. Phillip Seymore is a perfect example. He had been sober for a number of years, and yet he died of a drug overdose. For those who suffer from addictions, even the slightest temptation can be deadly.
It is the exact same for a pornography addict, only they have the misfortune of not being able to avoid their temptations. They can't control what they see on billboards, or what others wear. Now I am not saying they don't have any responsibility, because obviously they do. They have to learn to control their thoughts and where their eyes wander. But why should we as women (and men) make it harder for them. Now this probably mostly applies to members of the church who hold these standards, but I personally think that we will be held accountable to some degree for the impact that we have on others. When we knowingly dress in a certain way, to get a certain reaction, we potentially endanger some man's road to recovery. Again, I am not saying that we are not all responsible for our thoughts and our actions, because we are. And I am definitely not saying that pornography addiction is okay in any way! I guess my biggest thought is this, if you knew someone who was struggling with this, you would want to do anything to help them. So when we get dressed in the morning, are we covered? Do we represent the Daughters of God that we truly are?
I'm not really sure why I felt so strongly about this, I doubt any of us really have a problem with being modest. But we will have be teaching someone, be it the youth, our friends, or our kids. Pornography is everywhere, and it affects more people than we realize.
And I hope no one gets offended by this post, I do not mean to offend. I know it can be a sensitive subject. I know a few women who would rip me apart for this post. But I feel strongly about the importance of the subject. What do you guys think?
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Hospice Care
I worked for Intermountain Home Health & Hospice for 8 months until I decided I wanted to be home full time, so I quit the job about 4 months after Nelson was born. That was almost 2 years ago. I would like to describe what hospice is and the benefits of it because I have found that many people have misperceptions about hospice. You may find yourself involved with a family member or friend on hospice at some point in your life, so this is applicable to everyone. Some of us have already experienced this with a family member as well.
To be admitted to hospice care, you must have a terminally ill diagnosis with less than 6 months to live. You can receive hospice services in your own home, in a care facility, or in the hospital. It is designed to assist people to be comfortable until death. Most people associate hospice with pain management and the ability to die at home. Here are some other things to think about...
The benefits:
To be admitted to hospice care, you must have a terminally ill diagnosis with less than 6 months to live. You can receive hospice services in your own home, in a care facility, or in the hospital. It is designed to assist people to be comfortable until death. Most people associate hospice with pain management and the ability to die at home. Here are some other things to think about...
The benefits:
- Care is directed by a physician who has a team of nurses, nurse aides, social workers, and chaplains available 24 hours a day (this includes daily living activities like showering, bathing, eating, toileting, etc).
- Volunteers can visit in home and provide respite care (not medical care, but basically like baby-sitting if family needs a break)
- Home care with access to a hospital type bed, oxygen, medications
- Bereavement follow-up for the family after loved one has died
- Patient's ability to pay has no bearing on acceptance to hospice (it is government-run through Medicare, so essentially it is covered 100% through Medicare part A and many insurance plans also cover hospice)
If you have never seen a terminally ill person pass away, count your blessings! There are so many things that happen to our bodies as we die that I never really understood until working for hospice. The intense pain, fluid issues, loss of bodily functions, restlessness, gurgling breathing, etc. are all things that a patient can experience. Hospice care through trained doctors and nurses is essential to maintaining comfort, especially in a patient's own home.
Hospice organizations would like to see more people join hospice earlier on in their terminal illness diagnosis so that patients and families can experience all benefits of the program. A big misconception among people I have talked to is that hospice is a bad, negative thing. In reality, it is a very good program designed to help families take care of their dying loved one.
So, when you hear that someone is "going on hospice" remember it is a good thing! Obviously not a good thing they have a terminal illness, but definitely a great way to receive the needed medical and emotional help they will need!
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Favorite Homemade Cleaning Products
Seattle has officially rubbed off on me: I'm using cloth diapers, I bring reusable bags every time I shop, I separate the recycling and the garbage carefully, I have local organic produce delivered to my door, I no longer use an umbrella and rarely even put a hood on in the rain. . .
. . . and now, I'm making my own household cleaning products. I'm practically a native (just in time to be moving back to Utah, it seems)!
And since we've been preparing the home to sell and move to Utah, I've been using a lot of them. There are several reasons I love these homemade products:
Floor cleaner (compare to PineSol)
Ingredients:
vinegar
water
lemon or lavender essential oil
Fill sink with hot water and add about a cup of vinegar. Add a few drops of essential oils to make the smell tolerable and apparently help with disinfection (but honestly, I just put them in there because I don't like the smell of vinegar). Mop away!
Window/mirror/bathroom fixture cleaner (compare to Windex)
Ingredients:
1/4 c. rubbing alcohol
1/4 c. white vinegar
1 Tbsp cornstarch
2 c. warm water
Combine everything in a spray bottle; shake well. Shake well before using, too, as the cornstarch might settle at the bottom.
I found it's best to do a last wipe of the mirror/window with a microfiber cloth (I always have to wear gloves when using those, though, because I HATE the feel of microfiber).
This cleaner is my absolute favorite of the bunch. I just take a step back after each window/mirror I clean and gaze in wonder.
Grease/oven/hard water cleaner (compare to Lime Away or oven cleaner)
Ingredients:
baking soda
water
For the water fixtures, microwave, etc. prepare a baking soda paste (baking soda plus enough water to make a paste about as thick as cake batter). Rub onto affected area and leave for a few minutes. Wipe away with a damp cloth.
For the oven, spray the inside with water then sprinkle baking soda on top. Wet any dry areas with another spritz of the bottle. Leave for a few hours (with the oven OFF), then wipe away with a damp cloth.
Soap scum remover and general bathroom cleaner (compare to Tilex)
Ingredients:
1 cup white vinegar
1 tbsp. cornstarch
2 tbsp. dish soap
Combine vinegar and cornstarch; mix with fork. Microwave mixture for 2 minutes; remove and stir again. Pour dish soap into spray bottle; add vinegar/cornstarch mixture when slightly cooled (don't melt/disfigure your spray bottle with piping hot vinegar like I did!). Shake to combine.
Spray on affected area and leave for 10-30 minutes (any longer and it dries and becomes hard to wash off). Wipe off with a damp cloth. Wash away any residual soap bubbles with warm water.
Anyone else have favorite cleaners or tricks for cleaning around the house? Anybody miss cleaning checks at Regency? Anybody? Bueller?
. . . and now, I'm making my own household cleaning products. I'm practically a native (just in time to be moving back to Utah, it seems)!
And since we've been preparing the home to sell and move to Utah, I've been using a lot of them. There are several reasons I love these homemade products:
- They are CHEAP!
- I already have the ingredients on hand so if I run out while cleaning at 10:30 pm, I can just mix up a new batch. I have a stash of $1 spray bottles from the dollar store that I keep on hand for when the kids want to have spray bottle water fights in the summer, so I've been using those for the cleaning products.
- No crazy chemicals to worry about. So if my kids grow a third eye or something, we'll at least be able to rule out the household cleaners as contributing factors.
- The smell of vinegar used in cleaning products reminds me of my dad, who always mopped the floor with a mixture of vinegar and hot water. This item will not apply to anyone else unless you feel the need to associate the nasty smell of vinegar with something nicer like my awesome dad.
Floor cleaner (compare to PineSol)
Ingredients:
vinegar
water
lemon or lavender essential oil
Fill sink with hot water and add about a cup of vinegar. Add a few drops of essential oils to make the smell tolerable and apparently help with disinfection (but honestly, I just put them in there because I don't like the smell of vinegar). Mop away!
Window/mirror/bathroom fixture cleaner (compare to Windex)
Ingredients:
1/4 c. rubbing alcohol
1/4 c. white vinegar
1 Tbsp cornstarch
2 c. warm water
Combine everything in a spray bottle; shake well. Shake well before using, too, as the cornstarch might settle at the bottom.
I found it's best to do a last wipe of the mirror/window with a microfiber cloth (I always have to wear gloves when using those, though, because I HATE the feel of microfiber).
This cleaner is my absolute favorite of the bunch. I just take a step back after each window/mirror I clean and gaze in wonder.
Grease/oven/hard water cleaner (compare to Lime Away or oven cleaner)
Ingredients:
baking soda
water
For the water fixtures, microwave, etc. prepare a baking soda paste (baking soda plus enough water to make a paste about as thick as cake batter). Rub onto affected area and leave for a few minutes. Wipe away with a damp cloth.
For the oven, spray the inside with water then sprinkle baking soda on top. Wet any dry areas with another spritz of the bottle. Leave for a few hours (with the oven OFF), then wipe away with a damp cloth.
Soap scum remover and general bathroom cleaner (compare to Tilex)
Ingredients:
1 cup white vinegar
1 tbsp. cornstarch
2 tbsp. dish soap
Combine vinegar and cornstarch; mix with fork. Microwave mixture for 2 minutes; remove and stir again. Pour dish soap into spray bottle; add vinegar/cornstarch mixture when slightly cooled (don't melt/disfigure your spray bottle with piping hot vinegar like I did!). Shake to combine.
Spray on affected area and leave for 10-30 minutes (any longer and it dries and becomes hard to wash off). Wipe off with a damp cloth. Wash away any residual soap bubbles with warm water.
Anyone else have favorite cleaners or tricks for cleaning around the house? Anybody miss cleaning checks at Regency? Anybody? Bueller?
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Tax Extension
Everyone's favorite day is looming in the horizon: Tax Day, April 15. This is the day most people dread and accountants long for. It results in rushes at the post office to get those returns postmarked by April 15.
But what if you just can't get your return completed by the 15th? This is actually quite common - you may be waiting for tax information from other taxable entities, you may have convoluted calculations that you want to be sure are computed correctly and therefore need more time, or you may have simply run out of time to file by the deadline.
Lucky for us, the IRS grants an automatic six-month extension for individual taxpayers. By automatic it means you'll automatically be granted the extension if you file for it. To file an extension you need to submit Form 4868 either electronically or by paper. It is a simple form to fill out; you basically enter your name, address, estimated tax, total payments, and the remaining balance due.
What's the catch?
You still have to pay your taxes by April 15, otherwise you will be penalized. Yep. The remaining balance due that you report on Form 4868? Gotta pay up when you submit your extension request. If you neglect to pay the tax due you will incur a penalty and interest on the amount.
What if you pay your estimated tax liability with the extension but then later calculate the true amount owed and it is higher than what you paid? You're most likely in the clear - the IRS will likely not charge you the failure-to-pay penalty if you paid at least 90% of your tax liability. The total liability will be due by the extended deadline, however, so make sure you pay the difference by then.
For more information about penalties, interest, and extensions, the IRS website has several publications that provide guidelines. This website also provides a list of pros and cons to consider when filing an extension.
But what if you just can't get your return completed by the 15th? This is actually quite common - you may be waiting for tax information from other taxable entities, you may have convoluted calculations that you want to be sure are computed correctly and therefore need more time, or you may have simply run out of time to file by the deadline.
Lucky for us, the IRS grants an automatic six-month extension for individual taxpayers. By automatic it means you'll automatically be granted the extension if you file for it. To file an extension you need to submit Form 4868 either electronically or by paper. It is a simple form to fill out; you basically enter your name, address, estimated tax, total payments, and the remaining balance due.
What's the catch?
You still have to pay your taxes by April 15, otherwise you will be penalized. Yep. The remaining balance due that you report on Form 4868? Gotta pay up when you submit your extension request. If you neglect to pay the tax due you will incur a penalty and interest on the amount.
What if you pay your estimated tax liability with the extension but then later calculate the true amount owed and it is higher than what you paid? You're most likely in the clear - the IRS will likely not charge you the failure-to-pay penalty if you paid at least 90% of your tax liability. The total liability will be due by the extended deadline, however, so make sure you pay the difference by then.
For more information about penalties, interest, and extensions, the IRS website has several publications that provide guidelines. This website also provides a list of pros and cons to consider when filing an extension.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
IVF
So I was going to write a post on gluten but I've been in Utah for the past week and a half and I forgot to watch the webinar I had registered for as I was half asleep for the majority of that day recovering from the awesomeness that is egg retrieval. Since I don't have anything prepared I thought maybe I'd just share what IVF is, at least in my experience.
I have had several friends through the years that I have shared different portions of this journey with and it makes a real difference when people understand the difficulty of what you go through to get to the IVF point. So I guess that is why I want to share this, so that when you run into someone who has dealt with infertility and IVF that you can truly comprehend what that is beyond words like "expensive" and "injections" which was my basic understanding a few years ago.
When someone is considering IVF it is usually because they have just found out that there is no possible way for them to conceive normally or they have tried everything else and nothing has worked. We're in the lucky second category - the unexplained infertility. It is a confusing place to be, trying to figure out what you should do next. Trying to decide whether you should just keep waiting and hoping or if you should push the limit medically. In the past 2+ years we have tried clomid, IUI's, injectable meds, etc., I even ventured briefly into acupuncture - which is pretty radical for me. Getting to the IVF point took a lot of introspection, fasting and prayer. It took me a while to get there and so when I finally did get there it was a big deal.
On to what IVF looks like in layman's terms. For me it meant a month of birth control first with various doctors visit interspersed in there with some ultrasounds and blood draws. These aren't the on your belly ultrasounds, these are vaginal ultrasounds people, so a probe shoved and twisted around. Not something new to me in this journey but not something extremely pleasant. You also sign a bunch of consents - financial and otherwise. You have to basically consider all the potentialities, such as: what happens if you both die and you have frozen eggs, what happens if you divorce, do you want to consider this and this procedure, do you want to have such and such testing done, etc.
Then stop the birth control and on to real business. More ultrasounds and blood draws but add on the abdominal injection each night to stimulate the ovaries to produce lots of eggs. You take the stimulation drugs for a little over a week. Every other day checking the blood to make sure the dosage is right and the ultrasound to check how the follicles are growing. As you get closer you hit daily doctor visits. For me that was a week after stimulation drugs and this is also about when you start the antagonist drugs to keep your eggs from being released prematurely. So now we are at two abdominal injections each night all to be taken at the same time each night.
Then you hit the right follicle size and you have one last injection. A trigger shot that will tell your body to get ready to release the eggs. This is timed exactly 36 hours before the egg retrieval. Egg retrieval is basically a minor surgery where they go in vaginally and then put their needle through the vaginal wall to get to the ovaries and vacuum up your eggs on each side. You come in fasting and ready to get knocked out. Pretty soon you wake up and keep repeating "that was so fast" over and over to your spouse while apparently encouraging him to take pictures of you making silly faces to text to your family.
Recovery wasn't that rough but rougher than I was expecting so it seemed terrible. I was just real sore, stiff and in pain for 3-4 days. For some reason I had this idea that I would just be back to normal the next day. Um, yes, it is a minor surgery. They did poke their needle in my insides.
At this point in the journey it is mostly out of your hands and you wait to see how many eggs you got, how many fertilized and wait to see how they mature. Then on to the decisions of what to do with them. How many are we going to put in? Which ones can we freeze? Not all the embryos are even capable of being frozen because they don't meet the criteria. That is sort of a difficult thing as well as they are life at its very beginning. It feels very much like trying to play God and knowing you aren't qualified.
Then after 3-5 days of growing and maturing the embryos selected are placed inside the uterus using a speculum and catheter. To me this was a sacred experience as we were able to see the embryos under the microscope and then even see the little flash of light through the ultrasound as they were injected inside my uterus. It was completely amazing. It was precious to me to have that. So much of this process is invasive, uncomfortable or painful that I struggle sometimes to not feel bitter towards everyone that can get pregnant and enjoy getting pregnant (like being intimate and stuff). It is not enjoyable for us. It is stressful, it is expensive, it is confusing. But this one moment was precious and joyful with Ammón by my side holding my hand watching our hopeful little flash of light.
So now we wait and see. I hope I don't come off as bitter about this process above, I just wanted to spell it out with the hope that if someone ever opens up to you about considering or doing IVF that you can:
1. Appreciate that it takes courage to open up about a personal thing such as IVF
2. Understand the gravity of that decision
I hope that you will respond to that person with love and maybe just a simple statement like "Wow, that's amazing. How are you feeling about that?"
I have had several friends through the years that I have shared different portions of this journey with and it makes a real difference when people understand the difficulty of what you go through to get to the IVF point. So I guess that is why I want to share this, so that when you run into someone who has dealt with infertility and IVF that you can truly comprehend what that is beyond words like "expensive" and "injections" which was my basic understanding a few years ago.
When someone is considering IVF it is usually because they have just found out that there is no possible way for them to conceive normally or they have tried everything else and nothing has worked. We're in the lucky second category - the unexplained infertility. It is a confusing place to be, trying to figure out what you should do next. Trying to decide whether you should just keep waiting and hoping or if you should push the limit medically. In the past 2+ years we have tried clomid, IUI's, injectable meds, etc., I even ventured briefly into acupuncture - which is pretty radical for me. Getting to the IVF point took a lot of introspection, fasting and prayer. It took me a while to get there and so when I finally did get there it was a big deal.
On to what IVF looks like in layman's terms. For me it meant a month of birth control first with various doctors visit interspersed in there with some ultrasounds and blood draws. These aren't the on your belly ultrasounds, these are vaginal ultrasounds people, so a probe shoved and twisted around. Not something new to me in this journey but not something extremely pleasant. You also sign a bunch of consents - financial and otherwise. You have to basically consider all the potentialities, such as: what happens if you both die and you have frozen eggs, what happens if you divorce, do you want to consider this and this procedure, do you want to have such and such testing done, etc.
Then stop the birth control and on to real business. More ultrasounds and blood draws but add on the abdominal injection each night to stimulate the ovaries to produce lots of eggs. You take the stimulation drugs for a little over a week. Every other day checking the blood to make sure the dosage is right and the ultrasound to check how the follicles are growing. As you get closer you hit daily doctor visits. For me that was a week after stimulation drugs and this is also about when you start the antagonist drugs to keep your eggs from being released prematurely. So now we are at two abdominal injections each night all to be taken at the same time each night.
Then you hit the right follicle size and you have one last injection. A trigger shot that will tell your body to get ready to release the eggs. This is timed exactly 36 hours before the egg retrieval. Egg retrieval is basically a minor surgery where they go in vaginally and then put their needle through the vaginal wall to get to the ovaries and vacuum up your eggs on each side. You come in fasting and ready to get knocked out. Pretty soon you wake up and keep repeating "that was so fast" over and over to your spouse while apparently encouraging him to take pictures of you making silly faces to text to your family.
Recovery wasn't that rough but rougher than I was expecting so it seemed terrible. I was just real sore, stiff and in pain for 3-4 days. For some reason I had this idea that I would just be back to normal the next day. Um, yes, it is a minor surgery. They did poke their needle in my insides.
At this point in the journey it is mostly out of your hands and you wait to see how many eggs you got, how many fertilized and wait to see how they mature. Then on to the decisions of what to do with them. How many are we going to put in? Which ones can we freeze? Not all the embryos are even capable of being frozen because they don't meet the criteria. That is sort of a difficult thing as well as they are life at its very beginning. It feels very much like trying to play God and knowing you aren't qualified.
Then after 3-5 days of growing and maturing the embryos selected are placed inside the uterus using a speculum and catheter. To me this was a sacred experience as we were able to see the embryos under the microscope and then even see the little flash of light through the ultrasound as they were injected inside my uterus. It was completely amazing. It was precious to me to have that. So much of this process is invasive, uncomfortable or painful that I struggle sometimes to not feel bitter towards everyone that can get pregnant and enjoy getting pregnant (like being intimate and stuff). It is not enjoyable for us. It is stressful, it is expensive, it is confusing. But this one moment was precious and joyful with Ammón by my side holding my hand watching our hopeful little flash of light.
So now we wait and see. I hope I don't come off as bitter about this process above, I just wanted to spell it out with the hope that if someone ever opens up to you about considering or doing IVF that you can:
1. Appreciate that it takes courage to open up about a personal thing such as IVF
2. Understand the gravity of that decision
I hope that you will respond to that person with love and maybe just a simple statement like "Wow, that's amazing. How are you feeling about that?"
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