Get In The Zone

I went skiing a handful of times as a child, then again with Nelson after we were married.  It was his first time skiing ever, and though it was really challenging for him that first day, he has gone from zero to hero in the past three years.  Downhill skiing is now one of his favorite hobbies.  This season, I have joined him skiing three times.  The first time, I felt super nervous and out of shape after having David, and it was very hard for me.  The second time, I was still nervous, but I did okay.  We were at a resort I was more comfortable with, and I slowly made it down the mountain each time.  The third time skiing this season, I had a great attitude.  I wasn’t dreading it—I was even looking forward to it—and I steadily improved each time down the mountain.  We progressed from the easiest runs to runs that were a little steeper and more technical.  Nelson asked if I wanted to go to the very top of the mountain to see the view, and he felt that he could guide me down the mountain.  I agreed, and we enjoyed the long lift ride together. . . until we neared the top and I got a huge pit in my stomach.  I have a mild fear of heights, and we were SO high, and I started to worry about how I would have to ski down from being so high. 

It was a beautiful view of the valley from the top of the mountain.

The lift stopped running right after we got off, as it was almost closing time.  Some snowboarders blew past me and I looked down—straight down—the first hill off the lift.  It was so steep.  Just having become more confident with my turns on less-steep terrain, this seemed absolutely impossible.  Nelson zipped down a little way, then had to wait probably 20 minutes while I got up the nerve to make it down the first part.  Then I saw the next slope.  After trying to bravely traverse for probably 100 yards, I couldn’t help but burst into tears.  I felt terrified and stuck and helpless and like a little kid.  A patrol person saw us near this point, and told us kindly that the mountain was closed, and we had to get down the quickest—and steepest—way.  To make a long story short, I had several more moments of frozen terror and tears, but I did make it down.  It was pretty awful and humbling and a very good learning experience for me.  I know that my skiing improved (we had to go down some more steep stuff to get to the parking lot and while I didn’t love it, it wasn’t nearly as bad as the big mountain and I did fine) but it was too much, too fast.

This brings me to something I have thought a lot about in teaching and motherhood and continuing education throughout our lives:

If you have ever taken a child development or psychology class, you’ve probably heard the term “Zone of Proximal Development.”   This theory, developed by psychologist Lev Vygotsky, is that there are things that a person can do without help, things they can do with help that will facilitate their growth and learning, and things they cannot do yet.  

  

Photo from Wikipedia

Vygotsky developed this theory during the last two years of his life, and it has been added upon by others since then.  One addition has been the terminology of “scaffolding.”  Scaffolding is the help given by a teacher or mentor in the Zone of Proximal Development that can be gradually removed until the learner can complete a task independently.

This simple idea has big implications.  It can change the way we help our children learn new things, and it can change the way we learn new things as adults.   Skiing on the big mountain with Nelson was not in my Zone of Proximal development- yet.  I felt frustrated and incompetent, which is how children feel when they are repeatedly pushed to do things out of their zone of proximal development.  They won’t want to keep trying because they have had too many experiences of failure and frustration. 

Alternately, we can’t let our children or ourselves stay in our comfort zone all the time or we won’t learn and progress.   I think our church callings can often be a Zone of Proximal Development for us, with others to scaffold for us and guide us along.  Sometimes, though, we just have to push ourselves outside of our comfort zone to keep progressing.

 My bishop’s wife is really amazing—probably the most spunky, energetic, yet humble go-getter I know.  She runs marathons, does bike races, hikes, etc. etc.  When someone commented on how awesome it is that she does so many different active things in her life, she said that she has to push herself to keep trying new things so that she can keep improving and learning.  I’m sure she enjoys being fit, but it’s more than that for her.   It’s also about improving as a person. 

The Zone of Proximal Development is different for every child.  That’s part of what makes being a teacher so difficult.  It’s a little easier for parents to gauge where the Zone is because we know our children well and spend so much time with them.   We don’t need to hover and be over-zealous or be involved in every second of every day with our children.   We simply need to utilize teaching moments.  Babies and children naturally push themselves toward greater independence, and we can further that independence by teaching them things in the Zone of Proximal Development that then become things they can do alone.  If your child can write the first letter in their name, maybe it’s time to teach them other words that start with that letter, or other letters in their name.  If your child is old enough to verbally respond when you talk to them, maybe they are ready to use the words, “please” and “thank you.”  If they can ride a bike with training wheels really well, maybe it’s time to take the training wheels off.  If they have mastered a simple puzzle, it might be time to get out a more difficult one to try with them.  If they understand or become bored with a simple lesson during Family Home Evening, we can give more detail or use scriptural language.  

The key is to HELP (a.k.a. scaffold) them so they feel confident and can eventually do the task without help. 

 For babies, we can help their motor skills (pinching, grabbing, rolling, reaching, crawling, walking), language skills (talk to them and let them talk back, make eye contact, play games), emotional skills (soothing, touching, loving).  Toddlers  and young kids can be working on social skills (manners, social cues, sharing), small motor skills (cutting, writing, drawing, coloring, finger painting), large motor skills (throwing, kicking, running, swinging, jumping, climbing, riding trikes and bikes), math skills (counting and recognizing numbers, shapes, puzzles, addition/subtraction/multiplication/division, building structures, reading maps, patterns), and reading skills (holding books and turning pages, recognizing letters and words, letter sounds, value of literacy).  We also want to help our kids develop an understanding of the gospel and testimony of Jesus Christ (we can read scriptures verbatim then explain what it means, teach correct prayer format and language, teach reverence and respect, teach about the Plan of Salvation and Atonement, etc.). Those are a few examples that come to mind of helping our child progress within their own Zone of Proximal Development.  

I plan on going back to Sundance ski resort, riding the lift to the top, and skiing down the whole mountain again someday; maybe even next season.  But first I need more time with scaffolding in my Zone of Proximal Development to gain confidence and skills to be able to do the runs that seemed to be scary-dark-black-diamond to me. 

Finally, sometimes we feel that we are pushed WAY out of our comfort zone in life with different challenges and trials—often things that we don’t initiate or are out of our control.  Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ can scaffold us, guide us, and lead us as we learn in our Zone of Proximal Development (even when it feels like something that we cannot do with help) until we can master the things which we are supposed to learn. 

“The things which are impossible to men are possible with God.”  -Luke 18:27

Question & Answer

I am excited about this question because we really need some ideas in this category! We are terrible at dates lately!

"What are some of your favorite at-home date night ideas?"

This Mormon-ad made me laugh because it is truth all too often

Trusting your doctor

I know you are all thinking that I am going to refute Shelly's last post with this title.  Actually my post goes hand in hand with hers.  I wanted to post about finding a doctor that you can trust and that you can talk with and work with.  (I agree with Shelly's post 100%)
There are tons of doctors to choose from, especially in pediatrics (at least here in Utah Valley).  I think one of the  most important things that you can do is find a doctor you can trust.  That goes for all areas: pediatrics, OBGYN, primary, and specialties.  Your doctor is your key to the medical world, and if you can't trust them and work with them, then you will have no access to that world. 
What you can expect:
So what does constitute a good doctor?  In my opinion a good doctor is one who is thorough, who is knowledgeable, who knows their own limits and is willing to refer you when necessary, and who is willing to listen to your concerns. 
A doctor should be able to recognize when something is wrong.  They should be familiar with what is normal, and when met with something that isn't, they should recognize that.  Now, there are a million and one diseases out there and your doctor can't be expected to know them all off the top of their head.  However, they should be able to research, or refer as needed.  Never should you leave your doctors with them saying, "not sure what it is, but you should be fine" and you still being concerned.  Especially in the case of a pediatrician, they should be able to recognize when something isn't right with your child.  That is the whole purpose of a well child check, to make sure everything is well.  I personally feel that a good pediatrician will have you do some type of development test.  My pediatricians have always done an 'ages and stages' questionnaire that allows you to see if your child's development is on track.  Having said that, your doctor should know your child well enough to be able to interpret the results accurately.  Jared was very delayed in his gross motor development and in his communication.  His doctor didn't freak out and tell me he was handicapped in any way.  she recognized that he was a very large child, and that his delay was most likely due to that.  When it became a problem (carrying around a 30lb toddler is a little hard while pregnant), she referred me to a community resource called Kids on the Move, who have been able to help me get Jared walking and progressing on his communication.  Which is another vital part of a good doctor.  They should know what resources are available.  They should know what medications are going to be the least inexpensive but effective.  A really good doctor will also know what pharmacies carry certain common medicines for cheaper, such as antibiotics. 
I think that the number one sign of an excellent doctor is that they are willing to listen to you and to take you seriously.  A lot of older doctors get stuck in their ways, and I've found quite a few younger doctors who will listen and then just kind of pat you on the back and treat you like a child.  If your doctor does that, you should look for a new doctor.  You should always feel comfortable enough to ask your doctor about anything, be it a symptom, or why they do a certain procedure (such as a routine pricking of the finger). And your doctor should trust you enough to believe when you say something or question something.
Our Heavenly Father gave us the keeping of these little children and the charge to care for them.  In doing so He did not leave us helpless.  Shelly nailed it on the head when she talked about mother's intuition.  The Spirit will guide us as we raise and care for these children and we need to trust those promptings and act on them.  When we feel something needs to be done, we need to follow through with that.  And the best way to do so is to be able trust your doctor and communicate with them. 
Having said all that, keep in mind there are not always a million doctors to choose from.  When you live in small towns, or you get into the more specialize medicine.  I am not best friends with Jared's nephrologist, but there are very few pediatric nephrologists, and he is one of the best.  And I do feel confident in his abilities, and I know that he will listen to me.  If I didn't feel like he would listen to me, then I would go find another doctor, regardless of how acclaimed he was.  You can't always have the perfect doctor in all situations, but you should be able to trust them.
Sorry this is really long, but I'll end with some suggestions on how to find them.  Talk to people!  Sometimes you can find reviews online as well.  Talk to people in your wards, in your neighborhoods.  If you know any nurses, especially those who work in hospitals, they are excellent resources.  How a doctor treats their nurses say a lot about them!
In summary:
You should feel comfortable with your doctor. 
You should be able to talk to them and ask questions. 
If you ever feel uncomfortable about something, ask! 
And if they make you feel stupid, find a new doctor! 

Think Twice about Medical Advice

Have you ever heard something from a medical professional that just didn't sound or feel right? Or have you ever been torn as to what decisions to make regarding healthcare? As an RN, I definitely have the utmost respect for all medical professionals, and I really do believe that most doctors, nurses, etc. have patients' best interest in mind when giving medical advice or counseling.

With that said, however, I also feel that there are times when medical practitioners do not have all the answers or they do treatments/procedures that may not be completely necessary. It is important for us to make educated, reasonable decisions regarding our healthcare.

A couple of personal examples:
1) The pediatrician where I take my kids would perform routine finger prick blood testing for iron starting at 18 months of age. Not just once at the 18 month check-up would this occur, but every well-check for my kids. At the 18 month check for McKay, I had them do it just because they said, "this is routine for 18 months." Have you ever sat with your young child, screaming, while the medical assistant milks your child's finger for what seems like several minutes just to get enough blood for the test? After the first experience, I wised up, and I asked the pediatrician what the symptoms of low iron would be (I already knew the answer, but I didn't want to come across as a know-it-all). Fatigue, decreased energy, and tiredness are classic symptoms of low iron, or anemia. When I explained that my boys DEFINITELY DO NOT exhibit these symptoms, then the doctor was fine with me refusing the tests. :)

2) Nelson has struggled the past few months with ear infections. Before the doctor called in the 3rd round of antibiotics, he said, "if this antibiotic doesn't work, you will need to start thinking about getting tubes put in." My heart sunk. I realize ear tubes are not that big of a deal; in fact, I have heard many good things about tubes and how they have helped a lot of kids. I just would like to avoid them if they are not necessary. There is a chiropractor in my ward who I overheard saying that chiros can help kids with ear infections. I have always been indifferent to chiropractors (never been to one and haven't ever been sure of their credibility). BUT, I was willing to give it a chance and see how it could help. I took Nelson in, and the chiropractor explained a lot about ear infections and why antibiotics usually don't work and why doing manual adjustments will help the fluid behind ears drain. (I can give the details in another post if anyone is interested). Basically, after seeing the chiropractor, Nelson's ears drained and have been infection free for over a month!

3) One of my good friends is in her 40s and after several months of severe pain, bleeding, etc, her OB decided it was time to do a hysterectomy. She had the surgery date scheduled but just did not feel good about it. She decided to get a second opinion from another OB who said, "so tell me why you are doing surgery." She said, "that is the only option my other doctor recommended." The second OB said, "no, there are several other options for you that would be worth trying before surgery." So, she is much happier now after trying some other things and hasn't had to go through the horrendous surgery and recovery that a hysterectomy puts you through.

So what is the take-home message I am trying to get across: when something in the medical field does't jive with you, ask yourself these questions:
1) Is it necessary?
2) Do I know what the other options are?
3) Is it worth putting the money into something when there is another option available?

Thanks for reading!!! I do love being a nurse, and I do think there are great things about our healthcare (even though there are flaws as well). I also think a mother's intuition is more important than anything else, so follow your gut and make wise choices!

Ways to Use Pictures with Kids

Kids have an amazing ability to learn, though sometimes it takes a while for them to be able to verbalize their knowledge, needs, or wants. I love to incorporate some non-verbal means of communication into my interactions to help kids express themselves more easily. Kids are very observant and quite visual, so I find myself using pictures with not only the kids I work with as a speech therapist, but also with kids at church and my own kids at home. Here are some ways I love to use pictures:

Make an activity choice chart. When my kids were having trouble thinking of things to do to entertain themselves, I put together a chart that had pictures of a bunch of activities I knew they liked. I stuck it in a sheet protector and hung it on the fridge. Then, whenever they complained of boredom, I just pointed to the list and said, "Pick anything you want!" They felt very powerful having so many options and I loved being able to say, "Yes! You can do that!"

Make a chore chart. Some kids love being able to be in charge of their own chores and routines, but their level of "doneness" may not be up to our standards. When you provide pictures of what needs to be done, the child can visualize how much is left. The pictures can be pulled off the chart, covered up, crossed off, etc. to provide a visualization of completion. I used pictures like this on a chore chart for Andrew that had flaps to fold down over each item when they were complete.

Make a schedule. When I teach primary or preschool or work with certain kids as a speech therapist, I use a picture schedule. This consists of laminated pictures that are attached to a schedule board with velcro. As each item is completed, it's pulled off and put in an "all done" pocket or envelope. Kids can even help choose the order of the pictures when you put them on the schedule (then it's their own fault if they don't like what comes next!). If you don't have the fancy laminated pictures to use over and over, you can always draw one or create one on the computer. Kids can cross off the pictures as they complete each item. We even use schedules for birthday parties to keep the craziness somewhat under control.

Tell stories. My kids love when Dad tells stories and draws pictures at the same time. Andrew has always loved to draw, and it's almost as much fun to watch the process as it is to see the finished product because he tells such fun stories while drawing.

Make a kid shopping list. I hate grocery shopping. I really hate grocery shopping with children. I try to take advantage of the Fred Meyer nearby because they have a kid's land for the little ones to play (supervised by a sweet old lady who works there) while I shop. But when it's full or we are there before it opens, I sometimes have to be creative to keep the kids from tearing each other's hair out. One thing they have enjoyed is a small sheet of paper with their own "grocery list" (pictures I drew of some of the foods we need). I always choose things they really like so they are extra motivated to make sure we remember them. They get to cross it off the list when we put it in the basket.

Teach songs. There are so many resources on the internet that contain visuals to go along with Primary songs. Try working on the Primary song for the month (Did you know Primary kids work on the same song Church-wide for several months of the year? Find them in the Outline for Sharing Time on lds.org) during FHE each week. Print off pictures for the kids to follow along.

What are ways you have used pictures with your kids or with other kids you've worked with?

Meatless Meals: Lentil Tacos

A few years ago Nate came home with a five gallon bucket full of lentils.  I am not a food storage guru and I'd never eaten lentils before.  All of a sudden I had 5 gallons worth to start rotating through our meal schedule.

I did a Google search for lentil recipes.  One of the recipes I found quickly became a regular in our dinner line-up: lentil tacos.  Now I am trying to have several meatless meals a week and this recipe fits the bill perfectly.

I found the original recipe here.  I made a few minor changes so my altered recipe is below:

Lentil Tacos

Ingredients:
1 finely chopped onion
1 minced garlic clove (or garlic powder if you don't have garlic cloves)
1 tsp vegetable oil
1 cup dried lentils, rinsed
1 TBSP chili powder
2 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp dried oregano
2 1/2 cups chicken or vegetable broth
salsa

Directions:
In a skillet, cook the onion and garlic in the oil until the onions are soft.  Add the lentils and cook for about a minute.  Add the broth, chili powder, cumin, and oregano.  Stir and bring to a boil.  Then reduce heat and cover, allowing it to simmer until the lentils are cooked.  I have found the cook time depends on altitude.  When I lived in Utah it took 45 minutes to an hour for the lentils to cook through and be softened.  Now that I live in Pennsylvania I can cook the lentils in 30 - 40 minutes.

After the lentils are cooked, add salsa.  I usually add enough to get salsa spread evenly through the lentils.  The original recipe calls for one cup.  I probably add about that much salsa but I never measure it.

Serve with tortillas, cheese, sour cream, lettuce, and your other favorite taco toppings.

This recipe has become a staple at our house.  Nate has even said he doesn't miss the meat when we have these tacos.  What type of meatless meals do you cook?

Empower yourself

I recently listened to a TED talk by Kelly McGonigal on "How to make stress your friend". It was extremely fascinating. In the beginning she related a study that tracked 30,000 adults in the U.S. for eight years. They asked people about their stress levels and then asked them if they believed stress was harmful to their health. Then they tracked the public death records to find out who died.

The results were that those who had a lot of stress in the previous year had a 43 percent increased risk of dying. However, that was only true for the people who also believed that stress was harmful for their health. Those who had a lot of stress but did not view stress as harmful had the lowest risk of dying of anyone in the study, including those with little stress.

She went on to detail how we can view our stress response - quickened breath, racing heart - as gearing us up to handle life's challenges. I loved how empowering this is and the way it puts your body in the light of being a good thing that will help you in life. I would encourage listening to the rest of her talk here, as she goes on to explain how caring for others creates resilience and strength. But I want to move on a little bit.

This study on stress to me had greater implications. It reminded me of a study I learned about years ago in college. I wish I could find the actual study but the essence was that they were looking at statin drugs (cholesterol-lowering drugs) and comparing different ones with some control groups. The surprise finding was that patients who weren't even on a drug but saw themselves as following doctor's orders experienced a decrease in cholesterol. To me this showed the power of faith and the power we can have over our own bodies when we view the things we are doing as healthy and good.

Laura touched a little on this in the last post. What do we view as success in exercise? Do we see our actions as empowering and strengthening our bodies? Do we see the movement and action and exercise we do as building us up or do we concentrate on all that we aren't doing?

Food and nutrition is a field where there is a lot of confusion: no fat, low fat, GMO's, organic, gluten-free, paleo, vegan, butter, margarine, the list goes on. My personal opinion is that when we fret so much over healthy eating that we are doing more harm than good. One of my favorite scriptures is found in Doctrine & Covenants 59:18:

"Yea, all things which come of the earth, in the season thereof, are made for the benefit and the use of man, both to please the eye and to gladden the heart."

Now this is what gladdens my heart! Avocados, beans, tomatoes and cheese! Yes please!
Picture from LDS Media Library

I believe eating should gladden the heart and that when we view food as something good that strengthens and empowers us, that is health. I of course believe in following the Word of Wisdom and eating a balanced, varied and wholesome diet but I hope we can go about the effort with joy and gladness instead of worry and guilt. I don't have a study to show it but I really believe that you will be more healthy just by celebrating your body and the good things you are doing with it.