One of the talks I really loved this last session was Sister Reeves' talk on protecting from pornography. Here is a link if you want to go read through it. talk It may seem like a really odd talk to love, but I have spent a lot of time thinking about the effects on our kids of this evil. I dread the day when Isaac will come and tell me he saw something yucky on the computer or on the TV.
And yet I think we also forget those who have already been roped into the addictive power of pornography. It truly is an addiction, a chemical process in the brain that is exactly like alcohol and drugs. I have known a few people who have been affected by such an addiction, and I have watched it tear apart their lives. It is not a singularly personal struggle that affects only those addicted. It is a disease that affects all who know the individual, whether they realize it or not.
When we truly understand the addictive power of pornography, we begin to have a desire to help those who are caught in the trap. There are so many men and women (not as many, but still some) who want to be free of their addiction, and yet it is just as difficult as any other addiction. There are chemical processes in the brain that produce a physical appetite for those things.
So what can we individually do to help combat the evils of pornography, and also to help those who are struggling to overcome an addiction. Obviously we start in our own home and begin by teaching our kids to not get started in the first place. Sister Reeves' talk goes into detail about more ideas. The one that I wanted to focus on is specifically what we can do to help those who are struggling. It may seem like there isn't really much we can do unless we personally know someone who it struggling. And admittedly there isn't a long list of things we can do. But I have been thinking about this a lot and I think the most important thing for us, is modesty. Now there are a million reasons why modesty is important, and this reason is probably lower on the list of importance than most of them. However, that doesn't mean this isn't important.
Let's take for example a recovering alcoholic. They have worked hard to get where they are, and they may have been clean for even a few years. Yet you don't take that alcoholic into a bar to hang out. The temptation may cause them cave and have one drink, which will be a downward spiral for them. Phillip Seymore is a perfect example. He had been sober for a number of years, and yet he died of a drug overdose. For those who suffer from addictions, even the slightest temptation can be deadly.
It is the exact same for a pornography addict, only they have the misfortune of not being able to avoid their temptations. They can't control what they see on billboards, or what others wear. Now I am not saying they don't have any responsibility, because obviously they do. They have to learn to control their thoughts and where their eyes wander. But why should we as women (and men) make it harder for them. Now this probably mostly applies to members of the church who hold these standards, but I personally think that we will be held accountable to some degree for the impact that we have on others. When we knowingly dress in a certain way, to get a certain reaction, we potentially endanger some man's road to recovery. Again, I am not saying that we are not all responsible for our thoughts and our actions, because we are. And I am definitely not saying that pornography addiction is okay in any way! I guess my biggest thought is this, if you knew someone who was struggling with this, you would want to do anything to help them. So when we get dressed in the morning, are we covered? Do we represent the Daughters of God that we truly are?
I'm not really sure why I felt so strongly about this, I doubt any of us really have a problem with being modest. But we will have be teaching someone, be it the youth, our friends, or our kids. Pornography is everywhere, and it affects more people than we realize.
And I hope no one gets offended by this post, I do not mean to offend. I know it can be a sensitive subject. I know a few women who would rip me apart for this post. But I feel strongly about the importance of the subject. What do you guys think?
I love this post. I was having a conversation with a friend about this very thing. There have been a lot of posts on blogs or facebook over the last few months talking about how to teach modesty. There is the one side that says I shouldn't be held responsible for other's thoughts. Then there is the other side that says dress modest because guys can't help themselves. I think there is an in between. We dress modest to respect ourselves as Daughters of God but ALSO to help our brothers out, not because we are responsible for their thoughts but because we love our neighbors and strive to help where we can.
ReplyDeletePornography is so prevalent out there that it is no longer IF but WHEN will our boys be exposed to it, which makes me really sad. And those who get caught in the addiction have to deal with it the rest of their lives to some extent. I think if we teach our children the seriousness of pornography as a physical addiction that can become an addiction within a matter of days that they will understand the seriousness of modesty as well. Example of course, is key.
Obviously I feel pretty strongly about this too. Thanks for the post Michelle! Also, I loved Linda Reeves talk, mostly I loved how a woman talked about pornography. And this quote: "Filters are useful tools, but the greatest filter in the world, the only one that will ultimately work, is the personal internal filter that comes from a deep and abiding testimony of our Heavenly Father’s love and our Savior’s atoning sacrifice for each one of us."
I agree that there has to be more of a middle ground. I definitely understand what some were saying about how we need to be responsible for our own thoughts, but there's no point in behaving a certain way knowing it will make it hard for others to feel the Spirit. I loved conference, even though we were up to our eyeballs in moving mess and stress :)
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ReplyDeleteI know I usually fall in the camp Melissa talks about who says we can't be held accountable for someone else's thoughts. Sometimes it bugs me that we seem to blame girls and women for the boys and men having porn problems.
ReplyDeleteI was talking about this with Nate and he told me basically that if women knew what men think when they see someone dressed immodestly, most women would probably change their clothes. He said the thoughts come and they have to train themselves either to supress those thoughts or to quickly get them out of their minds.
Then I saw this video and it said practically the same thing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oartIE7rKuM "If only you saw what I can see/ You'd understand why I need your modesty." So I am better appreciating how hard it is for men and boys when women don't dress appropriately. I still think they need to work and not blame women but I think we can help them along.
Katie, I completely agree that we should never blame women for a man's choices. Ultimately every person is responsible for their own thoughts and actions. I do however think modesty is so important for so many reasons. And unfortunately in our world, this is become more important. I'm so glad you guys didn't take this the wrong way!
ReplyDeleteAnd Melissa, that was one of my favorite quotes as well. Ultimately everything we do boils down to our testimony. When we have a sure testimony, we will strive to do all we can to live according to our Heavenly Father's and Christ's gospel, regardless of our shortcomings (which we all have). I guess my philosophy is just to live the best I can while trying to help those around me to live the best they can.
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